Monday, January 14, 2008

L'Equipe News Flash!!!

DAVIS, CA (AFP) -- The results are official, after thorough analysis by scientists from NASA (with assistance from the FBI Forensics Lab) and despite a strong yet extremely late attempt to protest by the Local Office of Seriously Envious Racers (LOSERs -- an advocate for 35+ racers), the elder team came from behind and wrenched the much heralded trophy off the hands of the stunned Junior DBC Masters* (aka DBC Master Pee-Wees) some of whom were already celebrating when 45+ racer, Dan 'Camelbak' Patterson unleashed a furious sprint that generated a catastrophically victorious gap amid a wake of tattered Pee-Wees.

The famous Cougars, a group of rabid 35+ fans made up entirely of ex-NFL cheerleaders, witnessed the stunning sprint from their vantage point in a Hummer parked on the I-80 overpass overlooking the finish line. One of them described the aftermath between sobs.

"When (sob) that old guy pulled up to the front and (destroyed mes petits Bonobos) he had a determined look that made us all cower in fear and cry in disbelief, the road was littered with my poor little chimps..."

She openly wept and was being consoled by the other Cougars as the California Highway Patrol pleaded with them to move on and quickly get off the overpass.

The race pitted twelve 45+ against a team of fifteen 35+ DBC Masters on a flat 38 mile course marked with 3 bonus sprints worth 2 seconds each. Reigning silverback 45+ racer, Fred 'Walker' Schnaars, took the first sprint. Amazingly, Eric 'Pursuit' O'Brien, recovering from back injury nailed the second sprint and nullified the 45+ advantage, a breakaway representing both teams immediately formed after the second sprint. The peloton allowed the escapees to contest the remaining sprint bonus among themselves. Strongman Karl 'Brooklyn' Wurzbach brought that one home and gave the 35+ a huge advantage. Both teams worked hard for their respective leaders. Each taking strong pulls at the front. The concerted effort finally brought the escapees back to the herd. Masses of people began to gather along the final 10k and the trek back to Davis was enthusiastically rung in by fans and family of 45+ lieutenant, Hal 'e-motion' Sloane. Everyone was together again when the inevitable windup on Old Davis Road finally strung out the field culminating in the now legendary sprint of 'le Camelbak'.

For every alpha there is a beta. Greg Lemond had Laurent Fignon. Lance had Jan. The Showdown is no different, the DBC Master Alphas won the Inaugural Masters Showdown, defeating the DBC Master Betas by a mere 0.00001114 second, but it might as well have been a light year which is how long the young Master Betas will have to contemplate their utter failure to safeguard a seemingly insurmountable lead.

Video: Chad DeMasi and Hal Sloane

DBC Masters would like to give a huge thanks to Race Referee Chad DeMasi of The DeMasi Group for the moto support and extremely accurate time keeping; Kristi Ling for providing excellent neutral support en route; standing ovation and gratitude also goes out to the Race Promoter, Fred Schnaars, for organizing a tremendous race that is bound to be a classic and also providing post race nourishments; finally, to ALL the DBC Masters for coming out and making it what it was -- a safe & fun team building and learning event!!!

Apologies: All in jest, no disrespect to the real Juniors some of whom are already racing against the pros.


FWS said...

Hey Lee...

Thank you for the great post!
To all of you that came out...
Thank You! To all of you that
gave it your all... Thank You!
To all of you that are proud
to be a part of this Team...
A BIG THANK YOU... And Always remember, without you we would
be nothing, and I would have no one to thank! So Thank you for
being who you are.


E.O'B. said...


That's awesome.

the glide said...

Phil -

Great race report, we look forward to more. One error though : Our team Captain's nickname is not 'borg'. It's "Walker, Texas Ranger. "

Lee said...

Hey g!

Yeah, good ol' C. N. I remember climbing at Rocknasium and on more than one occasion kids would catch a glimpse of him and excitedly run around the corner to tell their friends that "C. N. is climbing over there!"

Phil had to hustle down under to cover some race. He send his regards and says he'll pop in again as time allows.

Lee said...

Oh yeah, one more thing, you guys ever notice that in many if not most of the pictures we have of the man he looks at the camera like we owe him money or we borrowed his chainsaw and he wants it back. NOW! :-)

hint: "the man" is a live link.